Out Damn Spot

Day 1:  Meditation Practice
My family room is not the most peaceful place.  It is strewn with toys and full of color and right next to the kitchen and laundry room.  But tonight I begin my practice by sitting on the floor with three cushions stacked beneath me.

It takes a long while to find a comfortable pose.  I haven't stretched and I am tired and yawning as I begin to breathe in, breathe out.  I am merely practicing a simple Mindfulness technique I read about, focusing on breathing.  I attempt a few feeble "Om"'s but feel silly.  Do you say the Om on the out or the in?  How long to you hold it?  It's not comfortable and it makes me think too much, so I stop.

I find my third eye, focus on the flame in my head.  I've made a few attempts at this in the past and have seen wonderful psychedelic bursts of color, like Tie-Dyes exploding in my head.  Tonight it's a dark pulse of brain waves.

My breathe is shallow and as I watch the waves I completely forget about it.  But the thoughts are there.  Weird, random, bad, good, all rushing at me.  I try to let them wash over the waves but the dishwasher kicks on and then I hear someone singing way in the distance and a nightmarish bloody image comes into my head.  Where did that come from?  I try to rationalize it and push it away, but it pulses behind my eyes until I press them with my palms and breathe again.

I give up.
What was that? 

Despite that, at the moment I feel more calm and centered.  The nightmare image was my brain trying to shock me out of peace.  I'm fighting myself.  Let's try again tomorrow.